Say for instance, you got to know this nice chap from work, or from school or I don't know, a bar or something, and he asked you out for a date. Probably a dinner or a movie date (at the rate of the entertainment choices in Singapore at the moment), and when the bill arrives... the question playing in your mind is:
Who should pay?
Okay look, I know I may not be an expert in this matter, but I have been on some dates before. May not be a lot but, to be fair, I've been on a quite a number of dates with men of various age before - some of which doesn't even see the second date while some others managed to reach as far as the third date. I've met quite a number of guys, and while some are impressive with their PR skills, some just sucked. I'm not sorry. I may seem very materialistic about this matter, but I have set my standards. Today, I realized my standards were actually set by the guys I previously dated.
You see, if out of 10 guys I dated, 9 reached for the check... automatically for me, that's the standard for me. I will still insist on paying, or at least for my share (going dutch) but if you're that 1 guy who didn't reach for the check, I'll gladly pay for myself or even for yours if you don't bother taking out your wallet... but I'm striking you off my list for sure.
Here's why reaching for the check on the first date is important: If right from the start you are not showing signs of capability or that you understood the social conventions of dating - we will notice, and boy do we take note of that. On the first date, trust me when I say, she is trying to figure out what kind of guy you are. "Are you a provider? Are you reliable? Are you generous?" These questions will come to our minds, even if we say and made it very clear that we are not looking for anything special or that we are not ready.
I usually do not ask a guy out on a date because 1) if I had to ask, I'd rather be asking my sister or my friend, not him 2) I don't care what people are saying about how a girl should ask a guy out, I AM STICKING WITH GUYS ASKING A GIRL OUT AND FETCHING THEM EVEN IF IT'S ON FOOT. Like I said, standards.
... and also, by the way, if it is during the first few months of you trying to get to know me, that means it is under the courting period, in which case, the guy should pursue the girl. As a guy, I am pretty sure you don't want a girl who pursue after you, because as an alpha male, you love the chase. And, as a girl, you don't want to reek of desperation by chasing after the guy. So in which case, if you are pursuing, hence initiating the date, it makes it your duty to pick up the tab.
But, I digressed.
However, if during the first few months, the girl did make an effort to ask you out... say for a movie or dinner or I don't know, ice skating even, the guy should allow the girl to pick up the tab. But here's a small gentle tip from me that you will value for life: try to at least bother to take out your wallet in this scenario. That small action of taking your wallet out, makes us feel good when we insist on picking up the tab. It's really nothing much, but when we girls want to pick up the tab and sees that the guy did not even bother searching for his wallet or feeling his pants for his wallet, it is such a turn off. Don't get me wrong, we are happy to pay for the date, but we would like it if you'd at least try to act like a man who can pay for it, even if you aren't.
What about the next few months?
Usually, if you managed to date for more than 4 months, you'd realize that the dynamic has changed. You'd realize that you guys are more comfortable with each other and that paying for dates become automatic. If it hadn't, then you might want to reconsider the whole relationship if you are the only one paying for the dates.If it reaches the 4th month, it meant that both of you are already considering bringing the relationship to a whole new level (note: stable) because no one spends this much time on someone when they don't think it is going anywhere. If she haven't been picking up the tab, you can direct her to this link and let her read and understand THAT WHEN A GUY DATES YOU, IT MEANS HE LIKES YOU, NOT THAT HE AUTOMATICALLY BECOMES YOUR ATM OR WALLET!
With that aside, there's a general rule of thumb that some couple uses. Which is the 3:1 ratio. For every 3 dates that the guy pay for, the girl pays for the fourth. There's no scoreboard, but that should be a rough gauge as to who pick what, and when. Because ultimately, if it reaches the 4th month, both of you should be comfortable enough to air out to each other or voice out before the check arrives, on who is picking it up.
But I've explained enough. Women are a complicated bunch. I tried to understand myself, and I can't even do it, so I don't expect anyone to. Like that saying goes "Don't try to understand women. Women understand women, and they hate each other".
... and also, by the way, if it is during the first few months of you trying to get to know me, that means it is under the courting period, in which case, the guy should pursue the girl. As a guy, I am pretty sure you don't want a girl who pursue after you, because as an alpha male, you love the chase. And, as a girl, you don't want to reek of desperation by chasing after the guy. So in which case, if you are pursuing, hence initiating the date, it makes it your duty to pick up the tab.
But, I digressed.
Rule of a gentleman : A true gentleman will unfailingly pay for the first date (even if she asks you, or insists on chipping in or in worse case scenario, threaten to kill you with her pocket knife) - it's the honorable thing to do.
However, if during the first few months, the girl did make an effort to ask you out... say for a movie or dinner or I don't know, ice skating even, the guy should allow the girl to pick up the tab. But here's a small gentle tip from me that you will value for life: try to at least bother to take out your wallet in this scenario. That small action of taking your wallet out, makes us feel good when we insist on picking up the tab. It's really nothing much, but when we girls want to pick up the tab and sees that the guy did not even bother searching for his wallet or feeling his pants for his wallet, it is such a turn off. Don't get me wrong, we are happy to pay for the date, but we would like it if you'd at least try to act like a man who can pay for it, even if you aren't.
What about the next few months?
Usually, if you managed to date for more than 4 months, you'd realize that the dynamic has changed. You'd realize that you guys are more comfortable with each other and that paying for dates become automatic. If it hadn't, then you might want to reconsider the whole relationship if you are the only one paying for the dates.If it reaches the 4th month, it meant that both of you are already considering bringing the relationship to a whole new level (note: stable) because no one spends this much time on someone when they don't think it is going anywhere. If she haven't been picking up the tab, you can direct her to this link and let her read and understand THAT WHEN A GUY DATES YOU, IT MEANS HE LIKES YOU, NOT THAT HE AUTOMATICALLY BECOMES YOUR ATM OR WALLET!
With that aside, there's a general rule of thumb that some couple uses. Which is the 3:1 ratio. For every 3 dates that the guy pay for, the girl pays for the fourth. There's no scoreboard, but that should be a rough gauge as to who pick what, and when. Because ultimately, if it reaches the 4th month, both of you should be comfortable enough to air out to each other or voice out before the check arrives, on who is picking it up.
But I've explained enough. Women are a complicated bunch. I tried to understand myself, and I can't even do it, so I don't expect anyone to. Like that saying goes "Don't try to understand women. Women understand women, and they hate each other".
I would like to end this post with a simple note from one woman to another: Just because it's the first date, it doesn't mean you should leave your wallet at home. Have some self-respect and bring your wallet along, even if he was a "sure-thing" to be paying for you.
With that, I hope you don't confuse a date with a friendly platonic outing with a friend. (;
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