Exes, for friends?

Note: Let me just start this blog post with... I know I haven't been blogging for the longest time and it did occur to me sometimes that I should probably update this space every once in awhile, but you know how it is with me and procrastination and how I'd go "soon...soon..." and never coming back around for it. That, plus there has been a few things that's been happening in my life that is taking a toll on me but I'm better now I think. Some have been a lesson learnt for me and most things that happen has always been a learning journey for me. I learn new things every single day, and some days when I thought I am okay and that I am ready to take on the world, life just gives me a left hook when all I'm ready for was a straight jab. Not a good reflex there for me, but I learn. I learn to keep my guards up, to keep myself ready for any blow that might come my way. Sometimes I got hit and fall back down, but that's how we get stronger... right?


So anyway, my mum asked me a question recently that got me thinking...

"Why aren't you guys friends anymore? Yes, things ended but that doesn't mean you guys can't stay as friends right?"

It's sad, but it's true. We are not in talking terms anymore now. Things were over for us almost a year ago, and even up till now, we haven't really been talking to each other. I thought about it a lot. I have always wanted a closure. I wanted things to end the best way possible, even though I know break ups are never easy, detachment always hurts and that letting go is only easier said than done. If it was even possible, I wanted to stay as friends. We don't have to be the best of friends, who meets often, but a friend. Like you know, if I were to bump into him on the streets some day, I want to be able to just give him a friendly hug and ask "how you're doing" and actually mean it. I don't want things to be awkward between us 3 years from now when I see you on the paper, doing well in soccer and I could just whip out my phone and drop you a text saying "hey, congratulations! I always knew you had it in you." and have him know I meant it just that and nothing more. A friend.

But why is it so damn hard for exes/past-partners/ex-dates to just stay as friends?

Why does it have to end badly, sometimes, with one party being hostile and another being bitchy or another being a total psycho? Why can't we just sometimes accept the fact that the things that we planned out don't always turn out the way we want it to be? That sometimes the people we are ready to live our whole life with, leaves? It hurts, yes, but if you keep the faith, and understands that everything happens for a reason, it'll get better. Yes, more often than not, we demand to know the reason at that exact moment when things go wrong, but one day, you'll find out that reason. You'll be thankful for the reason, and grateful that things had gone exactly the way it did.

My reason was simple. I wanted us to be friends, but clearly, that wasn't in the cards at the moment because... to me, it felt like as long as we are friends and that we are talking, he'll still feel like he have a chance with me. That some day, in the future, he might have another shot of making things right. I don't want to give him that slightest hope because right now, all I see is us never together ever again. But I don't know what is god's plans for me - I don't know if he is the one I will end up with in the end, or if it is going to be somebody else from another side of the globe; I just don't know. But right now, what I do know is that we have tried, but we didn't work out. I don't see any reason why in the future I would want to give it another shot, but like I've said before; one day at a time.

We'll probably be friends. But maybe not for now. Maybe now we should be strangers. Maybe in a year or two, when you are finally okay with being just friends with me, with absolute no hope or thoughts that we'll ever get together again - maybe then we can be friends. For now, we are good on our own, with our own sets of friends.

I wish you all the best in life, in your career and may you and your mum always live happily together. May you one day see what I've always admired in you - your abilities and your strengths. One day, you'll meet the right girl for you, and you'll never have to question a day in your life, why things between us did not work out. She's going to be all you think about me, and so much more, and she will add joy to your life and bring back that spark in your eyes. You'll be fine. Trust me.

Thank you for the memories.